There will be multiple people telling you not to set new year goals and that you should rest as we are in the midst of a pandemic. I disagree. The pandemic is not going anywhere for at least another 2 years. If you stop striving for greatness, you will turn around and 4 years will have flown past and you’ll still be in the same place wishing you had learnt a new skill or achieved a goal that would have elevated you in either your personal or professional life.

Progression and growth are a natural human desire and the start of a new year is a great time to start. Many ladies have told me that 2021 was not the great year they hoped for, I concur but it was necessary for the lessons that came with it.

With every tragedy, every lost opportunity or every failure has taught you something. Lessons are hard and they don’t always feel good but if you respect and appreciate them, it lessens the negative emotion attached. On that note, let me throw you some tips on dropping the baggage from 2021.

  1. List every single piece of baggage that has weighed you down this year.

  2. Underneath, write down what you learnt from it.

  3. If this lesson didn’t occur, what would be the impact of not receiving it?

  4. Lastly, taking all that into consideration, what do you want to achieve in the first half of the new year?

I love to analyse my lessons and how far I’ve come but I do hate that these lessons can be challenging and throw me off emotionally. However, at some point these challenges would come up again and again until you acknowledge them and use them to propel you forwards.

Happy New Year Guys!

Love from Charm x

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You have probably heard me banging on across all platforms about how 2021 arrived like the best friend we all craved and then 3 months in turned into the ultimate mean girl.

However, here I am close to the end of the year about to tell you that i allowed it all to happen.

How exactly could 2021 turn on me without me seeing it coming? It was the year of ‘Lux’. Luxury thoughts, luxury relationships, luxury experiences and more. Well, I had some much expectation and no real tangible input. I was expecting it to just fall on my lap without much work. I truly felt like I had put enough years into my self love journey, my relationship, my children and my career so now I was going to take my foot of the pedal and receive a luxurious experience.

Sssshhhhh, I can hear your judgement and laughter from here. Do you know how many times I shout about the journey being a continuous one? But here I was taking a break to revel in the return of my mammoth efforts. Little did I know, the shit was just beginning. My career became more intense, my children needed more of my time, my relationship was filled with spells of miscommunication, my anxiety started to rise and my body felt like it went to sleep.

I recently read that women, black women in particular, misread depression and anxiety for laziness which leads to them working even harder (superwoman syndrome). I am the queen of self care but the usual hair, nails and massage was not lifting my moods or giving me my mojo. My anxiety was high and I wanted to be alone every single day.

I am not sure when the straw hit the camels back but it came hard and fast. I had a stupid disagreement with my partner, my children were constantly bothering me, I didn’t feel my day job was paying my worth and I stepped on the bathroom scale and it slapped me across the face. What kind of fu@king luxury was this. I hadn’t picked up a pen in ages, writing is one of my favourite forms of therapy so I picked one up and bitched about all the things that were ruining my lux year.

Every single thing listed in that notebook was something I could have change. Everything. But I made the choice to just sit back and let life dish out luxury and was seriously pissed off when it did not. So I stepped away from social media to just enjoy being outside with friends, watch TV, have meaningless but memorable conversations with the children and reevaluating the dynamics of my relationship. What I found is that I placed blame on a lot of external things when really I was responsible. This pattern of blame needed to stop before it became a habit and so I chose to focus on the word accountability.

This forgotten trait has seen my mindset shift from stagnant to progressive. However, I must add that I was stagnant because I didn’t listen to my body, the tiredness, the mental toughness needed rejuvenating. I needed to take a break, I needed to remove myself from my environment so I could breath without all the responsibilities looking at me from each corner of my house.

As time moves on, so did my needs and wants and I realised that 2021 was not a mean girl at all. She was indeed a great friend that reminded me to revisit my self awareness work and evaluate my growth but I thought I knew better than what my creator was telling me. Accountability takes courage, it is an admission of failure and requires the removal of the ego. I’m no stranger to this. It shouldn’t have taken me this long but we are always growing and evolving and so is our self love strategy also.

When you are off balance

-List the issues

-Take accountability

-Change your self care routine

-Change your environment

-Update your self love strategy

Accountability has been my priority these last few weeks and it has to become yours. This leads to an ability to remove blame and focus on the decisions that you have made. Accountability has reminded me that i am in control of how I maneuver or do not maneuver in the world. I'd be lying if I didn't say being a female has its hindrances that make some things more difficult but they are not impossible. So for the rest of this year, I am going to continue to step into and shake every room I enter, I can already feel 2022 word. Discipline.

What's yours? Let me know.

Love from Charm x

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On the road to self-discovery is the hope and dream that you are a confident and happy individual living a life that you have desired. I have run many a workshop, teaching women how to love themselves and put themselves first. When I ask women how they love themselves, there is an eery silence that fills the room before someone speaks up about all the self-care that takes place to fill up their jug. I love to hear women talk about all the great things that they put into place that really fills their soul but everyone who has ever heard me speak knows that the reason self-care and self-maintenance are so important is that loving someone especially yourself is hard especially when traits and attributes that you dislike are present.

So, for the many people who get stuck on how to love yourself, I want you to think about a person you love romantically. What are the things that you put in place to make them feel loved? It is not a trick question. Think about the detail. How do you love your partner and how do they respond to the presence of your love. Think about the love languages and how you use them to be in tune with your partner. I bet you are getting a nice fuzzy feeling replaying all the ways you love them. Now, think about what you do to show yourself, love.

Be intimate with yourself?

Touch is so important when it comes to connecting and it is no different on a personal level, Take the time to exfoliate and/or moisturise your skin. Allow your hands to slowly glide up and down your body and feel the moisturiser sink into your skin.

Do not be afraid to masturbate, not because you need to but because exploring the areas of your body that make you feel relaxed, sexy, and free is important to love your body from the inside out. Women tend to rely on men to make them feel sexy, feel wanted and loved but it is your body, exploration will only improve your intimacy with your partner, not take away from it.

Listen to your deepest thoughts and respond to them with love and care. Meditate, Pray or just close your eyes and choose peace. Connecting to our inner core is often a struggle but it is a spiritual process that allows you to be open and honest to your soul. Closing the gap between the inner and outer you will ignite a passion that you have previously missed. Don't confuse intimacy with sexual energy, they are linked but they are indeed very separate.

Communication - how do you speak to yourself?

Affirmations are a great way to speak positively to yourself and I am big on looking in the mirror and reminding yourself of all that you are and all that you want to be. When we look at our partners, we find it so easy complimenting them and reminding them of their worth and why they deserve haooiness.

Many of us do not speak highly of ourselves or downplay who we are so that others feel comfortable. I believe this harms our confidence and is the number one reason women are overlooked for promotion. Know your strengths and don’t be afraid to put them out there.

Time - Spend time doing the things that make you smile.

Personally, I love a good self-care day. A great massage, a mani, and pedi as well as my hairdresser working magic with my hair. For some, a good face mask and an at-home wax with a glass of wine is fabulous. No matter what you choose to do, give yourself time.

There is something very therapeutic about doing activities alone. We fear being lonely so we avoid being alone. However, there are many people who are surrounded by people but who are terribly lonely.

Treat yourself - Do something special for yourself.

One of the ways we show our partners how much we love and appreciate them is to gift them or take them somewhere special. Everyone loves a good gift and you are no exception. there is nothing wrong with buying yourself something special such as a new bag, clothes, or a sexy pair of heels. I am a flowers person. I love receiving flowers so much that I make it a point to engage in #freshflowersfriday Every week I buy a bunch of flowers and put them in the middle of the dining room table and if I'm honest it doesn't matter where it comes from, the smell, the colours really fill me up and make me smile. Not even hayfever can suppress my flower needs.

Also, don't you just love those spontaneous trips where you just hang out with your partner? A quick bite to eat, a morning stroll to the coffee shop or date night? i love them. Show yourself, love, by treating yourself. It doesn't have to cost loads of money but it has to be something that you have planned solely because you are thankful for who you are and all that you do to motivate yourself and overcome challenges.

My point is, loving yourself is no different to loving another. We find it very easy to express our love for our partners, speaking positively and proudly about who they are and what they bring into our lives and loving self should be just the same. What do you bring to the table, falling in love with yourself is easy, let me remind you of the tips.

Be Intimate

Speak kindly

Give yourself time

Partake in acts of service

Be unapologetic about your love for yourself, forget about #couplegoals, and focus on #selflovegoals.

I know I will be.

Love from Charm x

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