It’s probably best that I state that my opinion is mine and there will of course be opinions that align and that do not. It is also important that I state that when referring to the genders, I of course do not mean all.

The new buzz phrase over the last year or two is ‘masculine and feminine energy’. It has always been around and there are many coaches that work with women on honing in on their feminine energy to attract the opposite sex and vice versa. I do not oppose any of this support at all. My issue arises when the rise of the modern woman is attacked on the basis that our rise has somehow disempowered men and emasculated them. It’s a very immature attitude and plays into society’s blame culture. And before I hear the moans and groans of those who will point out the flaws of women, I’m well aware of them but let’s focus on the title of this written piece.

There was a time when the gender roles were clear, understood and respected. I am a huge fan of the traditional gender roles in a family setting but we all know that I’m a romanticist. The problem with that era was that rather than respecting the female gender role and understanding that every role was essential for a healthy family unit, women were treated as property, Owned by their husbands, refused the right to vote, unable to work without the permission of her husband and in many cases completely oppressed and abused by the man who is suppose to love and protect her.

The feminist movement was formed to help women to stand up for themselves and to not take no for an answer. They wanted freedom, They wanted fairness, they wanted it all. The fight has been going on ever since.

Of recent times it has been said that the modern independent woman exudes too much masculine energy, working long hours, depending on herself, being aggressive (assertive is my word of choice) and living life on her terms with or without a husband. This behaviour has been seen as a huge bravado of mascline energy which is a turn off for men. therefore blocking her from relationship success. It has been said that a man wants a woman that is soft, understanding and allows hIm to lead or something along those lines. My opinion is one of interest. I have been on both sides of the coin and so in true Charm style, I'm going to drop the bomb. I ran through my thoughts and knowledge of the era of our grandparents and our great grandparents time, The era when women were the property of man. We were not defiminised and did not claim to be as femininity was not attached to us due to our roles and responsibilities. We are feminine because of our majority gender traits and has nothing to do with our actual roles. Whether we are a stay at home mother or a hustle harder boss bitch, we exuded femininity in our behaviours.Those behaviours being nurturers, sensitivity, emotional, tender and throw in all the other soft fluffy stuff. However we still have masculine traits which have to be tapped into in some circumstances. This should be the same for men however they have not had the oppression that has pushed them into fighting back and claiming fairness. They have not evolved in the way women have had to. This has led to the battle of the sexes.

Men complaining that women are trying to be men and women complaining that they do not need men. My opinion is that actually we all need each other. Both masculine and feminine traits are necessary in relationships, they go hand in hand and if I’m perfectly honest, it doesn’t even matter who brings what as long as they are both present.

When we state that women emasculate men, we are taking the responsibility off of the man. A women repeatly letting you know that you are not a man (her opinion) and not on her level is not emasculating you. It is her ineffectively communicating that she is not happy. It may sometimes become nagging, bullying and may even become abusive. If you relinquish control, feed into her narrative or are already insecure about your place in the world as a man then you will give in and allow her narrative to impact you. If you are secure and confident in your position then no one can take away your power. In relationships, we sometimes have to step into each others roles and then we can really understand and respect what we bring to the table.

As a woman who has lived both the traditional gender role and had to become the independent career driven parent. I have to say, I have learnt how to adapt to doing it all. Building my career, running the home and raising my children 85% of the time. Excelling in this position brings with it empowerment and responsibility that cannot be taught. I have spoken to men that have also had to adapt into this position and they have said that it was and still is the most difficult thing they have had to do. These men are now empowered, they have evolved and have an understanding of the various roles necessary to run a successful unit.

So I guess the answer to the question is no I do not believe that women are emasculating men.The new modern women are the daughters and granddaughter of women who fought back against abuse and oppression, who have refused to stay in trauma and who fear trauma so much that settling into a traditional homemaker role and trusting her husband to provide and protect her is no longer a smart move. This is what comes with the independent woman and men have to bring to the table the ability to stand in his masculinity and femininity with confidence.

I read somewhere that when a woman will automatically exude her femininity in the presence of masculity, it is her natural state. When she feels loved, secure and protected, she will always fall back. I agree.

My top tips for men are:

  • Always be honest about what you bring to the table

  • It’s never to early to discuss what you want from a relationship

  • Be clear about what you need from your partner

  • Be willing to jump into each other’s roles if and when necessary

  • Don’t quit unless there is no improvement

  • Don’t play into the blame game. No one can emasculate you unless you hand it over.

PS……

There is an extreme that has seen women completely disregard any want for a man unless he brings more money to the table than her and that continually showers her with lavish gifts and lifestyle. That is a very different topic and maybe one I will discuss one day but if I’m honest, they are a minority, their expectations are often never met long term and the gold digger conversation is a boring and immature topic. It doesn’t excite me.

Love from Charm x

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I remember my first step into the world of business. It was a distraction from my stagnant career and my failing marriage. I wanted more for myself but could never seem to find the time, money or support to get ahead. It didn’t take much for that extra push to get started. A simple conversation with a 15 year old and just like that I was blogging via a website and posting on Instagram, coaching clients and making additional money on the side.

Today, 6 years later and I am exhausted. Exhausted from motivating, inspiring and advising others while I pay less attention to my ever growing list of things to do. Serving is no easy task, especially when you are dealing with humans and their emotions. I take what I do very seriously, it stopped being about the money and more about helping others to really be their best selves. In the process my personal growth has been immense and has brought me joy. However, a change is definitely upon me.

My desire to teach has not changed at all. I still love to stand at the front of the room and teach people how to improve themselves and their lives. However, I dislike the constant posting, changing algorithms, the dishonesty, the fake business friendships and the onslaught of negative energy and dangerous advice.

I am also aware that I am in a place of growth, my emotions are bouncing up and down, my fuse is particularly short and people in my life are demanding a lot of my time. So I decided to just stop and breathe. Rest and relaxed. Put systems in place to handle all that I’ve got going on and focus on what I need to learn from this new growth spurt.

I have never been fearful of the judgement of others, I understand that how I feel about myself is of a high importance and needs to be well adjusted to make good use of this growth. I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this....

Well I’m aware that people are scared to stop and listen to their emotions and readjust their ideas and thoughts before facing the world again.

This is number 1 on the self love strategy. Focus, learn and realign. So many will believe they know the answer, they don’t. You have the answer but only if you stop and give yourself time to listen and learn.

One thing is for sure, I miss blogging, I miss teaching and they both bring me joy, everything else is weighing heavy.

Time to rest, reflect and realign.

Love from Charm x


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