I have a confession, I am a goal getter in every area except dropping weight. I would love to say that the Lockdown has contributed to my extra pounds piling on but that would be an absolute lie.
My weight gain has everything to do with my attitude towards myself. I feel great, I look good in my clothes, I’m very aware of my angles but those impromptu photos will remind me of the work that needs to be put in.
The best thing about being a self-love activist is you don’t care about the opinion of others, you understand who you are and what you bring to the table so your physical being doesn’t take precedence over anything else, especially when you know you look good. I regularly remind people that at the young age of 40, I have zero fucks left to give. I gave them all out during my 30’s and there is very little that bothers me enough to affect my lifestyle.
Having said all this, I am the heaviest I’ve ever been and one of my goals is to preserve my body so that it lasts as long as possible on the Earth. Great angles, waist trainers and Spanx (oh I do love Spanx) do not contribute to my physical preservation. It doesn’t keep me fit and it doesn’t require me to be disciplined.
My fitness failures occur for many reasons and they cause me great annoyance. Often they push me into a place of comparison which we all know is the killer of dreams. As a mother with little support, a full time job, a writing career, a partner, the eldest sibling and a friend, I squeeze self care in as often as possible. Getting sweaty and being in pain are not my ideas of self care especially when I could be getting my nails and hair done, soaking in the bath or writing from my favourite spot In the house. Working out doesn’t have the same effect on me as all of the above. However, I did once heard a quote that I loved. ‘Self discipline is a form of self love’. Staying committed to the betterment of self is truly a beautiful thing. It really is.
My mindset around fitness is associated with physical pain and a time I don’t want to waste. This I must work on. Just because I look good, doesn’t mean I am physically fit and if I say I want to preserve my body and encourage it to go the distance I have work to do. It will not be easy for me, I dislike all aspects of working out except the glow of my skin afterwards but I will spend the next couple of days creating a plan for success. Without a plan I will fail. Without preparation, I will fail. Without structure, I will fail. These are the lessons I have learnt in the past. I want to be ready to be disciplined, to find one more fuck to give, to choose self-care that I don’t enjoy and be ready to stand in the mirror and say ‘fuck this weight’.
If you are on this journey with me. Let me know.
Love from Charm x