Updated: Aug 26
One of the worst feelings in the world has got to be putting yourself out there after heartbreak, meeting the man of your dreams, spending months getting to know him and building a strong foundation and then hearing these words from your children. As women, we listen to some many people telling us what we should and shouldn’t do when we choose a new mate and the introduction of the children is no exception. There is no right way or wrong way when you get to this point in your relationship but what I do know is the thought of others’ judgement will pop into your head.
The fear of opinions and judgement still slips into my being sometimes, I am not immune to them. My career in coaching, mentoring and writing has given me the tools to push past fear but hell do they still exist.
What I do know to be true is that when we push past our fears, they shrink so small that they hardly even exist. Having said all that, when dating, I always had the fear of when would be the right time for him to meet the children, I had to be sure that he was in it for the long run. The last thing I wanted to do is introduce my children to a temporary relationship. It sounds ridiculous but the truth is we never really know whether our relationships are forever. In today’s society, which relationships even last the test of time? I have been out of the game for a long time and have been stunned by the behaviour of couples, the social media fallouts, the public cheating and a huge male and female competition of who is the better gender. This modern day dating game has rules, rules that I have not been privy to and the introduction of a new man has its guidelines.
I remember asking my friends and family what they thought and there were various suggestions from straight away as a friend, six months down the line and not until it became an official relationship. My relationship developed quickly or so I thought, time flies when you’re having fun. We had known each other for three months before our first kiss, a month after that we had our first trip abroad together, the following month we were discussing how we felt things were going and the next month we were official. I remember thinking this feels real good and then my fear popping up to let me know modern relationships don’t last. My children knew about him and were eager to meet him, I wasn’t sure if it was the right time. It felt right but it had only been 3 months of dating and the start of an official relationship. I remember someone saying it was too soon and that I couldn’t be sure if it would last. This statement made me stop and think. Right then, I made a decision.
If you have read any of my other work, you know that I was with my ex-husband for 17 years. We pretty much spent our whole adult lives together. At no point, in that time, even at our worse did I believe we wouldn’t make it through. True statement. However, we didn’t, we separated and divorced. I am not a psychic and I can not read the minds of others so why base my life decisions on something that I have no control over. Why was I thinking about the possibility of what if?’ What if is not a certainty, to be honest in life the only thing that is certain is death. The question I had to ask myself was is it fair to not allow myself to enjoy the love I felt, the smile that was plastered on my face, the fun adventures I was having and the possibility of my children seeing the effects of love. Hell no, I couldn’t pass up on those things even if it didn’t work out in the long run.
I’m telling you fear is a bit@h. It holds you back from some of the most important decisions you make in your life. I know how to push past it but even with my knowledge, it takes some self-evaluation to kick it out the way. I am in a great place in my life. I am grateful for the knowledge I have that has allowed me to trust my intuition rather than the opinions of others or my fear of a broken heart. The journey through life is uncertain, you can plan for the future but my advice is to live each day as if it were your last. Don’t let your fears hold you back from enjoying each and every day. The ultimate goal is to be happy so set your boundaries, live within them and love who you are and where you are going.
Love from Charm x