Updated: Aug 26
Many people know the road that I have journeyed along because I have shared parts of it over the last four years across the various social media platforms. I am in a very different place now and ready to start afresh doing what I love, not just by sharing my inners demons and my experiences but by using my qualifications and expertise in the area of confidence and personal development. All the blogs I have ever written are safe and locked away in my memory files and every so often I click on to read how far I have come as a writer and as a coach/mentor.
As I start afresh, I felt it was important to remind those who are new here of my journey to date, so that they can readily see the transformation that takes place when you survive abandonment and disloyalty. Many of us will experience this at some point in our lives with some rising like a Phoenix and others returning to the place of no growth - comfort.
At 17, I had my life all planned out and by the age of 30, I had achieved it all. It was not the type of success we talk about now but in the world I come from, it was everything. I had a job I loved, a man I loved, a child I loved and the first one in the whole family to get married. Marriage was not a regular celebration, I only remember attending one wedding when I was a child so to tI know that off the list was a great achievement for me. Without going into too much detail, a girl like me who was able to go on holiday annually, gain a degree, have a brand new car, buy designer clothes, enjoy her job and have a husband and child was a total big shot. Although I didn’t feel like a big shot, I understood that those coming up behind me would see me as the first person to have actually achieved ‘success’.
If you don’t know by now, my husband decided that he wanted his freedom. Freedom for what? I don’t know. Apparently, I was holding him back, the responsibility was all too much (I’m rolling my eyes) and he wanted out. I did everything I could to save the marriage because I was clear that what we had, people like us didn’t have. We had broken the mould, we were role models or as some would say we were #couplegoals
A breakdown in marriage is also a breakdown within the extended family. However, I put in a brave face, put my big girl panties on and went at it alone. Hard is an understatement, survival is the right word but I did what I needed to do. The self love journey was an immense programme and I wrote everything down so that I could share it with the world. It was tough but it has been the most rewarding journey of my life. I have learnt to fall in love with who I am, accept my strengths and weaknesses and choose to be happy.
I spent the next few years enjoying the non committal dating scene, the thought of another relationship turned my stomach, never would I let a man show me the world and rip it from beneath me again. (Apologies to the guys who wanted more and I dropped you, the thought of you catching feelings scared the heck out of me.) Early 2017, I got bored, I wanted more. At this point, I knew I was ready for a real relationship. My self love was on one hundred and I was in the next phase of my journey. I needed a travel buddy, a man I could laugh with, share ideas with and grow with. What was currently on offer was not cutting it so I stepped out of the casual dating scene and hopped onto the intentional dating bus.
My career was going from strength to strength. I was focused. Running soft skills workshops, running a coaching practice, supporting young people and writing my much loved blogs. Life was pretty amazing and then out of the blue, I met Mr 6’3. It took me a while to completely let all my walls down but I knew if I wanted what I said I wanted, I’d have to risk heartbreak again. I changed the narrative of heartbreak. It is not an end, I wasn’t going to die. I would experience difficult emotions and I would feel them and let them pass. It wasn’t the end of me before and it wouldn’t be the end of me now, so I jumped right in.Two years later, we have travelled four times, integrated our families and are continually learning how to successfully communicate our emotions and stay in love.
While I was experiencing relationship bliss, I’d like to say I became tired but I believe it to be much bigger than that. I was forced to stop everything, my creativity, my drive and my courage faded. I couldn’t find it. My body shut down. I allowed myself to stop and float through the world focusing on family. It was a beautiful and comforting time but as we all know, there is little growth in comfort. Just like when my body shut down, I felt my body start to crave the excitement, the adrenaline and the success.
So, after a year of focusing on becoming a blended family, travelling the globe with my amazing partner and falling into an employee lifestyle, here I am, ready to step back into the world, sharing my advice, my thoughts and my expertise.
Thank you to my regular readers for rocking with me for so long, for attending the workshops and sending me love. I appreciate you all.
Love from Charm x