It has been two weeks since the official UK lockdown and so many of you have requested how to survive the lockdown with your partner. As skilled as I am, I am asking myself the exact same question. I am very good at communicating and seeking solutions but I am also triggered by the niggling little things that Mr 6’3 does and doesn’t do during this period. Let us all be honest, these things are not new but in an environment like this, the small things become huge things.
I must be honest; I am pretty dramatic at times and my past experiences have led me to be very dismissive if any behaviour looks like it's about to be repeated. What I do have is a voice of reason. We all need this. My voice of reason is my cousin, she knows everything about me and she does not lie to me about my behaviour. She knows when I am just ranting or when I am seeking solutions and she understands the importance of telling me to stop being dramatic tactfully. Quarantine has birthed many a moment where I could have walked away from the love of my life. I am not joking; it has been a difficult process. I know what I want in a man and his quarantine behaviour scares the shit out of me. However, I am going to share some of the challenges you have reached out and shared with me as well as throw in some of my own challenges that I have overcome or am trying to overcome.
I do not care what anyone says we are still in an era where there is a huge expectation that women are built to be housewives. This has led to most of the chores, cooking, caring for and home educating children being left to the woman to do even if she is also working from home. The embarrassment of hosting an online meeting with the children asking you for help with a maths problem or telling you they are hungry for the fourth time while presenting to a client becomes an absolute piss take when your partner, is sitting on the computer, watching TV, scrolling social media or making Tik Tok videos. For many of you, partners that lounge all day waiting for you to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner has drawn your attention to his lack of attentiveness, his inability to prioritise and downright laziness. I hear you ladies, I mean, a cup of tea wouldn’t go a miss. I can hear the men jumping out of their skin about the constant nagging that they have been receiving from their partners on what they feel is an unnecessary need for attention. I can not speak for all women, but I know a good few who will shout back that after everything they do, great conversation, help around the house and feeling desired is not much to ask for.
The current times have also led to a lack of sexy time for many of us, after sitting still all day, eating constantly, working from home and homeschooling the kids, the last thing we have time for is a long drawn out basic sex session. Our eyebrows are bushy, we have not had our hair done for weeks, our nails are chipped, and our bikini wax is long overdue. Let’s not forget that our men are seriously in need of their barbers and the mismatched pyjamas is not adding to the fire that once was. It is very easy for our heads to be turned by online attention when we are not connected to our partners. You would think that I am only joking, right? Well, I am not. At this very moment, some of us will be experiencing the ex popping up to say ‘Hey Bighead’, the new Instagram follower who says you have so much in common and let's not forget the one night stand that awarded you some mind-blowing sex who has just left a flame emoji under your picture. Trust me, when we are not feeling our partner, all sorts of temptation fall into your lap. Resist ladies and gentlemen, resist!
So how do we overcome our pent-up emotions? How do we stop the snapping at each other from exploding into a full-on break-up? How do we reinvent this difficult time into a safe and secure environment that serves both our partner and ourselves? I really do not have all the answers, my partner will tell you, I’ve been nagging, and he has been ignoring me. However, I am fully aware that this is a new normal for a temporary period. At times of uncertainty, I want to be held, feel loved, feel supported and protected. Take note of the word ‘feel’. This is not to say it does not exist, but I want to FEEL it. What has become apparent to many of us is that no matter how great we may feel we are at communicating, when emotions get involved, all the great communication gets kicked out the window.
Having said all that, I think its essential to drop some help for you ladies
1. Line up your voice of reason – A friend who is honest and tactful and has no problem telling you to pull yourself together.
2. Communicate how you feel with no expectation of change – He will hear you but remember he is also adapting to a new normal.
3. Do not try to understand his behaviour, it will not make any sense to you. If it annoys you, remove yourself from his presence, call your voice of reason if needed.
4. Create a household structure with roles and responsibilities. Allow him to support you in the creation, he’ll probably decline. This is good, now keep him busy.
5. Slot in sexy time, I don’t care if it is a quickie in the bathroom, some oral in the morning or a full session at bedtime. Do it and do it often. I don’t care if you’re tired. Orgasms are medicine.
6. If your partner crosses any boundaries that compromise your relationship, his values are not aligned with yours. Rethink whether the relationship is for you.
7. Stay in control of your emotions, don’t push him into a corner. A lion that is caged will bite the moment it gets a chance.
8. Remember ladies, men may be the head of the house, but we are the neck. They cannot move without us but because they don’t see the neck at work, they forget its significance.
Please bear in mind, I too am adjusting to quarantine life, I too have been nagging, I too have been angry. I realise that what was once small annoyances are now big pains in my arse. The question I must ask myself is, am I committed? Do I see a future with this man? Is this temporary? Does it compromise my values and beliefs? Well, the answer is yes, yes, yes, no. So, I continue with my responsibilities, harass my voice of reason and look forward to my medicine. I don’t ask for too much, do I?
Good Luck Ladies.
Love from Charm x
See you on Friday discussing this topic on Instagram Live @lovefromcharm